Why Can't I Write?

I am sooooooo envious

2011-12-10T05:08:00.000-05:00

The greatest Calvin and Hobbes strips were the wonderful,dark,hilariously outrageous snowmen Calvin created.

And this guy has made me so jealous.

http://geekartgallery.blogspot.com/2011/12/quick-pic-calvin-and-hobbes-cut-outs.html

Is that not awesome?

Are the DIY channel editors doing trailers now?

2011-12-04T14:56:00.000-05:00

Have you seen the Sherlock Holmes 2 trailer ?

I thought I was gonna have a seizure watching it.It seems that the editors of the DIY channel shows have been let out of their cribs.

Have any of you watch any shows on the DIY channel? It's like they grabbed a 2 year old, propped it by the computer, and said "here, edit that."

And the cameramen,or women,have this obsession with the zoom. Zoom in,no out,no in, no out!Make up your fucking minds!

My wife loves watching that channel, but, I just can't stand it. It's too fucking chaotic, and it's not as if your gonna learn any DIY because the cunts don't give you time to see anything done.

I know people don't like watching paint dry, but, Jesus, at least let me watch it being put on a wall.

Are coaches the new priests?

2011-12-02T04:05:00.002-05:00

Well?

What I listen to before going to bed

2011-11-21T03:58:00.000-05:00

Forbrydelsen end credits theme music, by, Frans Bak

The Killing is a great series by the way, and, as usual, the US remake is just turgid, and, bloody boring.

Watch the original, you'll enjoy it more.

Sofie Grabol is one beautiful woman

I did get something published way back.

2011-11-21T03:23:00.000-05:00

It was a letter to DC/Vertigo's comic book Preacher, one of the greatest comic books ever IMHO.

Ahh, the highlight of my life. Unless you count the time I dreamed I had a life.

Still,better than nothing, right?

NaNoWriMo,it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

2011-11-21T03:17:00.000-05:00

Bollocks.

9061 words since I started my magnum opus. Hah! What a joke.
Guy N Smith ain't got nuthin' on me-oh, wait, he does.
I mean I've tried to write, but, I just can't write what's in my head. It just comes out wrong.

So depressing, so soul crushing.I'm off to do something I'm good at.

Washing dishes.

NaNoWriMo,hell, I'm gonna give it a go

2011-11-01T00:45:00.001-05:00

This'll be a laugh!
I'm going to try to write a novel in 30 days! Hah! I can't even do a daily blog!

I'll keep ya updated,

*crickets*

Well, I'm sure a couple of people accidentally read this blog...

Here's the excerpt from my classic:

Unstoppable

The rain came down and hid my tears.
   My mind raced, trying to think of a way to escape, but, nothing would come to me. There was a blankness in my mind, a black hole of nothing. The synapses in my brain took a nap and left me trembling with despair. There was nothing I could do. I was a goner. I'll be deader than Hector in a minute for my "son" was only a few feet from me and He was Death itself.
A handsome thing , six feet, 240, give or take a few pounds, chest wide, the face of a god, bright, blue eyes, strong chin, a smile that can endear you,and leer at you the same time. Women swooned and sighed when they saw him, fluttered their eyelashes when he charmed them with his snake tongued chat. Died screaming, torn apart by this thing that looks like a man.
   My "son, " David.
   It is not human, but I did sire it,and I unleashed this horror upon the world, and for that I am deeply sorry. It is a regret that haunts me every second of every day. It is a guilt that weighs me down so much, that I can hardly get up out of bed. All those people who have died by the hands of this monster, all the pain, suffering, carnage, blood, and fear is down to one man. Me, William Hardwood, a weak man, an obsessed man, a man whose exploits in the world of forbidden sex has damned him forever.
   A man about to meet his Maker.
   He stopped in front of me, a tower of retribution, his eyes lit up in triumph. His smile sent my bowels to water. I could feel the hot liquid shit run down the back of my legs, my face turning bright red with shame, but, the rain still hid my tears.
He sniffed, and laughed.
   "Daddy! You've shit yourself! Have I scared you? Why are you scared of your son? I love you, Pappy, with all my- oh, wait, I don't have a heart, do I? That's right, that's right, I'm heartless, cold blooded, souless, isn't that what the papers say about me? The Beast?And that's all down to you, Poppy Dearest, you made me what I am. You're going to pay for that. I'm going to take my time with you and make you feel every pain imaginable. I'll keep you alive for weeks until I grow tired and all the fun goes out of it. I will relish every single moment, every single cut. And, after? I'll have peace, finally. I'll be free of all this pain that wracks my mind and body, this infernal fire that consumes my very being. No more pain, no more-"
     I kicked him in the balls as hard as I could, but, he didn't even flinch. I may as well have kicked a concrete bollard for all the good it did.
     He looked at me quizzically, as if I'd done something unexpected, something outrageous, then he lifted his hand and lightly slapped me in the face. I flew back with such force that I swear that I shattered the tree that I slammed into. That's what it felt like anyway. Tiny bright lights revolved around my head, and the world spun fast around its axis, I was dizzy, and nauseated, and in a whole lot of pain. I vomited bile all over my shirt that mixed with the blood that gushed from my nose. My mouth felt numb, and I noticed a few teeth mixed in with the puke. My spine seemed to have exited of it's on accord and melded with the tree, my legs jerked and shuddered with a life of their own, my arms were deadweights, gone to sleep, resting on my spastic legs, waking up when they damn well feel like it.
He took his time walking up to me, savoring my situation, laughing with glee. He clapped his hands, like a child receiving his favorite Christmas present, and then started doing a little jig.
"Oh, Daddy Dearest, what have you done?
You've gone and sired a fucked up son
The Beast is bad,He's Shock N Awe
All because of his perverted Paw
Blood on the ground, flesh in his nails
The Beast is loose and he never fails
Your gonna pay for what you have done
Death by the hands of a fucked up son
   I shivered and trembled and pissed myself with fear,imagining what he will do to me, recalling all the reports of the brutality and violence he perpetrated on his victims.Remembering clearly the film of the police walk-through of a crime scene at the Patterson's place. A slaughterhouse of blood,humiliation, and, pain...

Flash Fiction Challenge

2011-10-18T03:08:00.004-05:00

http://pattinase.blogspot.com/2011/09/flash-fiction-challenge.html

Had to give this a try.

Had to.

Story from this wonderful piece of art,

http://eeweems.com/reginald_marsh/artwork/use_the_L_700x530.jpg

Sleeping

by,

William Morgan

What if he wakes up? she thought
Clara's there,keeping an eye out.Should be easy.Man's drunk as a skunk.The stench! Must've drank a whole distillery!

Allie slowly turned her head toward the sleeping man,watching him intensely,her nerves strumming,a light sweat on her powdered brow.
His coat lay open,inviting.She'd noticed the thick wallet he had put away in the inside pocket after he'd paid his fare.He'd stumbled and mumbled his way onto the train,eyes half closed,face flaccid,mind stuporous from copious liquor.
An easy one,she thought, oh, wait'll Clara sees this one!

Clara giggled like a little girl when Allie pointed him out to her.She'd been smoking some serious weed after the dance.What was that guy's name? Chris?Dave?Oh,God, they're all the same, walking cocks with a rudimentary brains. Clara could get them to do anything with a little flash here, and a wink, and a smile there.Allie was too mousy with her limp hair, and her glasses made her look like a stern librarian,although some fellas liked that. If it wasn't for that hairbrush, she'd still be intact,for Christ's sake.No,she was no good with the bipedal dicks.

She had one thing going for her, though.
Nimble fingers
She could pluck a pubic hair from that super-sensitive bitch from Princess And The Pea without her Highness batting an eyelid.

Allie looked around and noticed people not noticing.There were only two other people on the train.An old woman who looked as if she'd escaped from a nursing home. Looked like she'd dressed herself from whatever was on the floor at the time.Pink scarf, red cardigan,green housecoat,and brown stockings that seemed to lay on her legs with protest.her threadbare slippers boasted a rainbow of colors, and stains.She was looking skyward, smiling, her loose dentures dancing in her mouth.

The other person was a man of indiscriminate age,face hidden in a book,wearing a business suit that was one size too small for him.His shoes, she noticed, were scuffed, and his socks were white, well, off white.They'd been washed many's a time.

Business not too good,dear? Thought,Allie,with a sadistic contempt.

Allie slowly scooted,almost imperceptibly,toward the sleeping man.
Clara coughed as she noisily turned the page of the newspaper she was pretending to read.

Allie knew the signal,sat straight up,placed her hands upon her lap and stared straight ahead.

A man came through from the other carriage, carrying a cup of coffee,whistling softly to himself as he walked down the aisle.
"Bernard?That you, love?" asked the old lady.
The man stopped and looked at her,and, with a sadness in his voice, replied
"No, Ma'am.No, I'm not Bernard."
"Shame," she said,"I've been looking for my son for years.Don't know where he went, who he went with, why he went.One of these days, though, I'll find him.Yes, one of these days"
The man stood there awkwardly,then bowed to the old lady,and made his escape.

Alone at last.

Allie, keeping one eye on the sleeping man, and, one eye on the other passengers, gingerly scooted beside him, and then deftly slid her hand into his right pocket,feeling that leather,my God, the thickness of it!
Her heart raced as the thrill of the pick came closer to fruition, her mind imagined what she and Clare would do with that money. Clare'd probably spend it on booze,drugs, and cock walkers(though the way she was going, she'd be better off putting a down payment on an abortion)

And, I, ahh, well, I'll be buying-

"Gotcha! You're under arrest!"

The sleeping man was not sleeping, not drunk, not even high on caffeine,the bastard was pretending!

Pretending!

As soon as she had grasped the wallet,his hand grabbed hers in a vice grip,She tried pulling away,struggling desperately,slapping his face with her free hand,screaming ferociously,but he wouldn't let go.

At the same time, the man in the business suit jumped up, pulled out a gun, and screamed at Clara,
"Police!Don't move! Down on the ground!Down on the ground! NOW!"
Clara sobbed, lay down on the ground,and put her hands behind her back,slamming her feet on the floor in a tantrum while Allie struggled with all her might to get loose from the waking man's grip.

"Lady!Lady!Give it up!You're under arrest!I'm not letting go!"

He then expertly twisted her arm behind her back, and placed his knees against the back of hers and lowered her to the ground.Allie gave a loud huff , and, sigh,then, gave up.

The waking man looked at his partner and said,

"Where the hell'd you get that suit?"

"Sam, he's the only one that had a suit."

"You look fuckin' ridiculous, man. Next time, at least wear black socks."

"Fuck you,Lou, you smell like a brewery."

"Ladies it's been fun, we're goin' downtown,gonna book ya, then me 'n' Steve here are gonna get drunk for real!"

Allie shook her head, rackin this up as an experience,something to learn by.

And Clara? Clara cried all the way downtown.

Two Imps, a dog,and, a pig - A Dance With Dragons-SPOILERS!

2011-07-22T14:40:00.003-05:00

Spoilers

Spoilers

Spoilers

Spoilers

Finally finished A Dance With Dragons, book five in George R R Martins A Song Of Ice And Fire epic fantasy series (and I mean fucking EPIC!).

5 years since A Feast For Sweet F A , I mean Crows,was released. Was it worth the wait?

If you are comparing it to the Star Wars prequels (that fuckin Jar-Jar),hell fucking yeah!

If you are comparing it to the "final" Dark Tower novel by Stephen King, HELL FUCKING YEAH! Jesus, was I so disappointed in the book. The final line was perfect, I loved that, but King dropped the ball with all that went before.Ka? Ka-Ka

If you are comparing it to when I lost my virginity, hell fucking yeah! Mostly because I can hardly remember it. I know there was a hole...and I was supposed to fill it with something...I remember we were so afraid of pregnancy that I used a rubber... and she had some foam...and plastic wrap...and her Mother was holding onto my timid thrusting buttocks,screaming "PULL OUT NOW! PULL OUT NOW! I"M TOO YOUNG TO BE A GRANDMOTHER YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE! CALL THAT A COCK? I'VE SEEN BIGGER DICKS ON CHIHUAHUA'S" (ah, the good old days. If only she had known that my sperm have no sense of direction,and end up somewhere near the kidney,I might have had a truly mindblowing orgasmic experience instead of the feeble ejaculation of someone who feels he has just fucked a meringue.)

Now, Dance With Dragons is still a book where all the pieces are being set...it's a lot better than Feast, but, doesn't compare to Storm Of Swords, that is when he had his muse ramped to 11. That book rocked.
Still, I loved the Davos chapters, and I loved how George actually made me feel sorry for Theon, that cocksucking Greyjoy. Reek,Reek, rhymes with Meek.Fuckin amazing that. Ramsey Bolton is one very scary individual, and George better give him a very nasty death. No lopping off his head, or stabbed with a sword.I want that fucker to suffer. Victarion, that's another cruel SOB. Jesus, these people have no souls at all.

Tyrion,riding a pig... less said of that, the better. I liked his chapters, sort of, though I was getting tired of him thinking about killing Tywin, and asking where whores go.

Brans chapters, now that was the best of the book,weirwood..Coldhands (benjen?)...Bran calling out to his Father, and that cocksucker Reek (interesting that Theon seemed to have heard him)...Three-Eyed Crow is actually Bloodraven, Children of the Forest, creepy.I can imagine Barbara Walters asking Bran "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?"

Jon, I love Jon, I'd fuck him in a heartbeat, even if he is dead...that way he won't make comments about "Where's The beef?" as I hear that a lot from women(I'm thinkin of suing Burger King for defamation of character.) Jon's soul, I'm sure, has fucked off into Ghost and either Mellisandre, or Bran will revive him. Then again...to paraphrase a line from a Stephen King novel Sometimes dead is better.Of course, he may survive the stabbing, have to wait for the next book to find out. His execution of Janus Slynt was a jawdropper for sure. His death was a wait/what? moment.had to reread it to make sure I'd read it.

Brieene shows up and tells Jaime come with me my pretty,seemingly she yelled sword! Making her a dishorable cunt,and a craven. Hangin's too good for her, I say.

Quentyn Martell-What was the point of that? Maybe it'll have dire consequences down the road? Will the Martells ( sounds like a group on The Lawrence Welk Show) turn their back, and become the enemy of Daenerys?

Lord Manderly-Frey pie for everyone!Badfuckinass! Hated him in the Davos chapters, until he revealed his true plan to Davos.Go find Rickon,and don't get eaten by cannibals.

Arya-becoming one of the Faceless Men,and wow,that's how they become faceless? Her first kill is a beauty, very smart.It's interesting that even though she's faceless, she still has her death list in her head, seemingly hidden deep so she can lie without getting caught. A Faceless assassin with a hit list, now that's going to be interesting.

Cersei - her walk, uncomfortable, agonizing,and fucking deserved! But, now that she's got FrankenClegane,who can stop her being freed, and taking over Tommen's little mind,and using his power for payback? Methinks jaime. I think he'll fight the monster.If that craven Brienne doesn't kill him first.

Daenerys- Let me get this straight, you have 3 badass firebreathin dragons, the Unsullied ,Ser Barristan,all that power with the wisdom to go with it, and all you can think of is sucking Daario's cock? She's not a Targaryen , for fuck's sake,she's a Kardashian!
Alright, alright, I'll give you that she's young, and has urges and all that, but,couldn't someone make a cast of his cock and...never mind...She wants to be a good ruler, I get it, but, to rule, you need to make tough decisions,and some people are going to get hurt by your decisions,maybe even die.You need to be strong, you need to listen to your advisers. You need to learn detente. You need to stop thinking about the freed slaves and start thinking of the Iron Throne.

You need a Daario Dildo,buy one now and get the Meereen pleasing gel for free, and as a special bonus, if you call within the next 20 mins, we'll throw in a Drogon Dick (It's Big! It's Bad! And it Burns!).call now!

To compare Feast to Dance...well, it's like this...I kept reading Dance, unlike Feast, which took me a long time to finish because I could not get into it, so I would pick up another book to read, finish that, then go back to Feast. With Dance, though, I couldn't wait to get back to reading it. Even the Martell chapters, even the frustrating Daenerys chapters didn't stop me from enjoying it.

Even Tyrion riding a pig...

So, I do highly recommend A Dance With Dragons, and will hope I'm still alive when Winds Of Winter is released

Flayed-Part 2

2011-07-22T14:31:00.003-05:00

"RRRROOOOWWWW!ARRRRGGGGHHHH!GEROFFME!GEROFFME!...PLEASE!"
Korky The Cat lay splayed on the kitchen table,all four paws nailed to it. The Mice struggled with the knife at first, but soon got the hang of it, and preceded to flay the cat alive.Korky's back arched, and he screamed, and panted,and screeched, praying to his Feline God to save him.

Billy The Whizz exploded in a shower of blood, and tissue as a wall appeared suddenly in front of him, just as he had gotten to top speed.Danny turned of his tranny, and chortled.

His Nibs slowly sneaked by Puss, carrying a huge chunk of Gorgonzola cheese,his concentration zeroing in on the mouse hole by the kitchen corner.His mouth watered as he thought about the feast he was about to have when he got safely home.

Puss was dreaming about gerbils,and forbidden desires.Something clattered outside, a bin lid falling perhaps, and he woke up with a start. Furious, he was, because the dream was just getting good, he noticed His Nibs tip toeing toward his mouse hole, and a light bulb popped above his head.
He leaps upon the mouse, knocking the cheese from his paws, and lifted His Nibs up,and stared passionately into his eyes. His Nibs tried desperately to free himself, but, Puss had him in his clutches and was not about to let go. Puss carried the mouse into the bathroom, opened the cabinet above the sink, and took out a jar of Vaseline. He opened the jar, dumped His Nibs in head first, then bent over and inserted the frightened mouse up his arse.

It was the wriggling that did it.Sent Puss into an orgasmic stratosphere he couldn't think was possible, not even in his dreams. Puss lay on his back, and howled with madness and passion.Then, he howled with pain, as His Nibs, desperate, and scared, began to scratch and bite Puss' bowel.

Puss turned over on all fours and bore down with such pressure he shot His Nibs, and shit, and blood, out of his arse. The bathroom wall was splattered brown and red, a bizarre , modern painting of life itself it seemed. His Nibs hit the wall, and slithered to the floor, dazed, seeing little wheels of cheese go round and round his head.

Puss collapsed in a heap,blood oozing from his rectum, his body jerking,his eyes rolling in the back of his head, panting, drooling,sometimes gasping.
Boots heard the screaming and rushed into the bathroom, and, seeing Puss laying on the floor, passed out, snarls with glee and malevolence. He turns Puss on his back and bites into his exposed belly, tearing, ripping, rupturing, mangling,savagely rending the cat's stomach in a frenzy unparalleled in their history.The entrails taste delicate,as if they needed something to enhance the flavor, maybe salt, a little pepper. It's the liver he was after, full of flavor, and iron,the kidney's a snack to be savored. Puss lay there, inanimate,making not a sound as if in shock, or surrender. He died in silence, without a hiss, or a fight.

His Nibs comes to, and, seeing the carnage, slowly makes his way out of the bathroom,keeping his eye on Boots, who is oblivious to the mouse, who is oblivious to anything as he tears his longtime foe apart.The mouse rushes to the cheese as fast as his little legs will carry him, grabs it, and makes for the hole,praying to his Rodent god for safe passage. When he gets to home, he finds that he is not hungry anymore,and begins to shake with relief and fear. In the months to come, he will become an agoraphobic and has to rely on the other mice for food.

The Shrieks were loud and piercing, as Lovesick Louise burned at the stake.Cheeky stared glassy eyed at the burning girl,unconsciously rubbing the bulge in his pants.

"What do you call a stalker on fire?" he said

"A hot babe! Oi!"

The manhole cover lifted and the man yelled "Oi!" but he didn't notice the bus, and it ran over him, and his brains splattered all over the road.

Cheeky laughed, then left the shrieking girl, and went to find Lily Pop so she could check out his lollipop.Oi!

Little Plum, hiding in the abandoned building on the corner, waited until it was all clear, then went over to the now smoking girl, and lifted his blanket and began to signal

HELPUM

Tommy Atkins, 15, saw the message in the sky, and went on a quest to find another flayed skin.

Because only a god can kill a god

Why the darkness?

2011-07-09T03:21:00.003-05:00

Why the darkness?

No matter what I try to write, it always turns dark.

I've tried and tried to write something light, something a whole family could read together,but, when I write it, lo and behold, the only family that could read it is the one from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

If I were to try to write a sequel to Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, set in her later years, late twenties maybe,when her farm is on the block for foreclosure, probably it would come out like this:

"Rebecca Of Sunnybrook Farm's cunt was raw,swollen, and numb from attempting to break the world's gang-bang record, and after today's extravaganza,she's going to carpet because she doesn't want another dick near her...,ever!'

Over 900 men,that's over 900 dicks

So many dicks.So many sizes.Small dicks, big dicks,straight dicks,curved dicks, fucked up dicks,alien dicks,dicks that made her scream, gasp,giggle,laugh,dicks with optical illusions, dicks that looked closer than they appear.There were dicks with wide heads,dicks with small heads, dicks with no heads. There were short men with big dicks, Big men with small dicks,Fat men with hidden dicks, dicks with dicks, assholes with dicks,chicks with dicks. One guy had a dick so big, she thought she'd have to dislocate her hips just to be able to let him enter.And another guy was so small, it was like being fucked by a fetus. Sometimes she thought, now, that's a dick! Mostly, though,she thought, that's a dick?She had dicks coming out of ears for crying out loud.

Some of the men tried, unsuccessfully, to enter the wrong hole, but, her bodyguards, Herman and Hershell, quickly put a stop to that! "Don't go there! That's contracted for the next DVD!"(Not that that was ever going to happen,she thought.That's my trekkie,where no man has gone before,or ever will.)
At first, it wasn't too bad.She just lay back and thought of her farm, and her favorite animals,until her thoughts became twisted and sick,and it ruined her because she could never ride her favorite horse again without thinking of that scene.

The fuckers, as she liked to call them, had 3 thrusts, then they were to pull out and let the fucker behind him have his turn. It was like that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs was playing baseball and pitched a really, really slow ball. The umpire cries out "1...2...3!Yer out! 1...2...3! yer out.

Some of the virgin fuckers argued amongst themselves whether 3 thrusts constituted loss of virginity.Was the actual penetration good enough, or did you have to cum? They were all disillusioned by the sex thing. They were so pumped for fucking, champing at the bit,enthusiastic, their fantasies coming to fruition,to actually be inside a woman! Though, by the time they got to Becky, this is after 700 other dicks, they looked at her pussy and it looked old and ravaged, like a pack of ravenous chihuahuas had chewed and spit out a week old oyster. It's how they'd imagine what their Grandmas pussy looked like. And then there was the actual act itself. May as well have fucked softened butter.

The Ad mentioned celebrity fluffers, but most failed to notice the tiny asterisk down at the edge of the y.It was celebrity lookalikes( if Hilton was 200 pounds and had breasts that looked like helium balloons that had lost all the helium) One virgin fucker had "Oprah" blowing him.About the only connection to Oprah was they had the same color of skin, and was that scabs on the side of her mouth? Why's her eyes glassy and have that faraway look?She looks as exited blowin me as she is about learnin her a,b,c's.I'm going to have to go one of those clinics, aren't I?.Oh my God, is it true about what they say?About the needle to the head of your dick?Oh My God! Will Mommy come with me?

Some virgin fuckers were so disillusioned with fucking that they traveled to Tibet to meditate on the uselessness of their penises, the state of the Star Wars universe,and the big turd handed to them called life.
One wrote a book called,satirically, I fuck, therefore, I am, which became a huge bestseller, he then promptly made a reality show called Richard less on how he wasn't getting any, that became such a huge success he got more pussy than Hef and Ellen combined. The virgins, who made him the star, quickly turned on the fucker, switched off and went back to watching their Buffy and Firefly DVD's, and reading their comic blogs, and arguing whether George was an asshole for raping their childhoods, and creating that cocksucker Jar-Jar. Richard,hopped up on meth, one day,took out a pair of scissors and cut off his cock,threw it at the camera and screamed "Are you happy now, virgins?" Then he fainted and died from blood loss.His epitaph reads " Here lies Richard...,Had a dick...became a dick...lost a dick..."

The fuckers where from all walks of life. Plumbers, Brick layers,lawyers (who all surreptitiously left their cards after the fuck),Judges,cops, firemen,some were homeless, with an odor that would knock a rhino down,some were Best Buy employees, with an odor that would knock a rhino down.Some were nice, some were mean,some were shy, so shy, it looked as if their whole body blushed.Some had popped viagra, their cocks ramrods, their hearts hammering,sweating profusely, close to heart attacks.
Rebecca had seen and felt it all, so it seemed, until she seen the man with Elephantitis , and that is where she drew the line."I have just about had enough! Ya hear me? Enough!"

Until her manager, Timothy McDingle, explained that this would be the equivalent of the money shot in a classic porno and she'd go down in history, and , more importantly, make a shitload of money and save her precious farm.

So, she closed her eyes and thought of Sunnybrook...

I did attempt to write a story about a little chihuahua named Pablo, and his adventures around his neighborhood.

He was a cute little thing with his pointy ears and bugged out eyes.He was small, but, tenacious.

I was going to have him try to be the watchdog of the apartment complex and surrounding area where he lived. He'd have various misadventures and there would be laughs galore!

He would patrol, stopping to lift his leg to mark his territory,sniff the scent of other dogs (oh, she smells tight),and one day he comes across a glowing green substance on the pavement, takes a lick, and at this point it was supposed to turn him into a kind of superdog that fights crime and saves many lives, but, no, no, no, my brain wasn't having that!

So, instead it turns him into a ravenous beast who, when offered a dog biscuit by the sweet little old lady next door, thinks dog biscuit?I'm Pablo, the greatest chihuahua in the whole fucking universe and you have the audacity to offer me a dog biscuit?!It's blood I need, you old bitch!

He then leaps on the old lady and tears her throat out.After he's satiated, he takes a dump on her as a warning to others.

He's later killed by a housefly who mistakes the green goo for snot.

Then, one day, little Timmy,3 years old, trips and falls face first into the goo...

Remember, Remember

2011-06-25T03:36:00.006-05:00

"Do you know where you are?"

"No,where am I?"

"Do you know who you are?"

"No. Who am I?"

"Do you know what you did?"

"No.what did I do?"

"You don't remember anything?"

"Nothing.My mind is blank.Why won't you answer my questions?Who am I?Where am I? What did I do? "

"You did this."

"Jesus! No,no,no, there's no way I could do that...no,no way...,right?"

"Wrong. That's the aftermath.Oh, you did it all right."

"There has to be some mistake.I couldn't do-Christ, there's hardly anything left of those people,I couldn't...,I just know I couldn't...,Jesus...,did I?I can't remember anything!I-I, oh God, I can't remember!"

"Look at this picture.That's you sitting in the middle of all that carnage.You see those little bones in your hands, the ones you're using as chopsticks? That's part of little Natan,13 months old.Your son."

"My-what?What? Son?Did you say...,son?"

"You had a beautiful wife, Tracy, and two beautiful boys, Nathan, and Derek.You annihilated them."

"No! No, I would not do something like that! You're fucking with my head! Your-"

"You did it. You killed your family. You consumed your family.Congratulations, you're more reviled than Dahmer"

"No!"

"Look at your hands,we tried to wash it off, but the blood has stained your skin.Look under your fingernails, there's still tissue underneath them. Look inside yourself, Look deep, and ask yourself, could I do this? Could I murder with such brutality, such depravity?"

"I can't, I can't"

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid"

"Of what"

"Of the answer, of course!"

" You know, you know deep down that you did it. You-"

"Who am I?"

"From the pictures, it looks like you are death"

"My name...,what's my name?"

"You tell me."

"I don't know!I don't know! Jesus, why are you fucking with me like this?"

"I'm trying to help you."

"Help me?"

"Remember. I'm trying to help you to remember."

"Dammit! I can't fucking remember anything! Can't you understand that? I-wait a minute...wait a minute...,oh, I get it now...,yes...,oh, yes..., you've erased my memory somehow...,this is a mindfuck...,ah...,why didn't I think of that before. You've set this up. Those pictures aren't real. They're fake, photoshopped, manipulated...,lots of stuff you can do with pictures these days...,yes-"

"How do you know that?"

"How do I know what?"

"How do you know about photoshop, and picture manipulation? Was that your job?"

"How the fuck should I know? I can't remember! Everyone knows about photoshop, and digital manipulation,and pixels,and bmps, jpegs, giffs,layers,drop shad-...,oh"

"Oh?"

"My mind, it's like a little light showing through. I see a monitor, an image of a monster...,grotesque...,terrifying...,I think I created it."

"Describe it"

"The image?"

"Yes.Can you see it clearly?"

"Madness, I'm insane, that explains everything.If I created that...,"

"What's it look like?"

"Like...,like nothing that could be created from a human mind...,something only a madman could create...,is that it? I'm insane? Are you even in front of me? Am I talking to myself? Oh, Jesus,Jesus, I'm scared, so scared...,can't you tell me my name?Please?Help me? Did I really kill those people?"

"I'm trying to help you remember. It's very important that you remember everything. Who you are, what you did, why you did it. We're getting somewhere,believe me, this is helping, now what does it look like?"

"It's a creature with three heads...,one of the heads seems human...,but...,there's something off about it.It's as if someone who had heard of the human race, but had never seen a human being tried to create a face from a vague description. It's just all wrong..., it's body seems immense,vast,scaly...,I see warts, pustules,slits in it's sides weeping thick,black blood, it has long legs, but, they seem too skinny and insubstantial to hold it's weight, It's feet have long, sharp claws, it has no arms, but it has wings,leathery, transparent, I could count the blood vessels if I wanted to, it is so detailed. One of the heads is all mouths, full of sharp teeth,gnashing and snapping, poisoned drool drips from those mouths, the other head is nothing but eyes,black,soulless eyes, full of hatred, and disdain, and violence. I could not have created this..., no man could have created this monstrosity..., it's an embodiment of all that is wrong with the universe, looking at it sends your senses into hiding. You can feel the hatred emanating from this...,this abomination. There's a title on the bottom of the image. It reads The Thing That Is, Was, And Ever Shall Be. Below that it states To Release, Consume..., what does that mean?"

"Think. You have to remember!"

"I see this..., I don't know what it is, and I don't know why I created-"

"Open your mind.Remember.Remember!Remember!"

"But, why?"

"Because only you can send it back."

Rage, a work in progress

2011-06-15T12:50:00.004-05:00

RAGE

"Down on the ground!Down on the ground!Now,now!Do it!I'll blow your fuckin brains out, motherfucker!"

There were two of them, masked, holding shotguns.One of the men was tall, slim,his hands looked like they had been photo shopped, they looked so huge. The other was short and stocky,silent,I heard slight wheezing as if he had some kind of breathing problem. His right eye twitched uncontrollably, his hands trembled.He had a right to be nervous because I knew him.

It was Marcus, used to work here a few weeks ago,until I fired him for stealing food from the freezer. MacsBurg was a small hamburger joint located on the edge of Oberlin,Oh, near Wellington. It's a small place where you can get great burgers,fries, dogs,chicken,shakes,and soft ice cream. Doesn't do the best of business,can't compete with Mickey D's, or BK, but ,it does alright. It was almost closing time, so we where winding down, starting to put things away. We only had one customer, Mr Wilson, who always stopped for his Oburg (cheeseburger with all the fixin's)and fries after he got off work. There was me, of course, I manage the place for Mrs Mackinty,who's husband opened Macsburg in 1978,Stella was working the till, Jamie was on the grill, and Steve was the fryman. Didn't need too many people on a Wednesday night since that's the night we're least busy.

But, it's the night I count the takings for the week.I usually take the money to the bank Thursday morning as soon as it opens. Marcus knew that. We had a couple of thousand in the safe. It was a weak week, terrible in fact. Hardly anyone stopped for a meal, or even an ice cream.We at least figured since it was hot and humid all week, we'd have some customers wanting to cool down. But, hardly anyone. Saturday was good,Sunday, not too bad.Weekdays? You could hear the crickets it was so empty.

"Why you still standin'?" said the tall one

Everyone else was laying prone on the ground,hands behind their heads,I could see Stella shaking,tears dropping from her face, terrified.Everyone was scared.I was scared, too, but, I was staring at Marcus,trying to get eye contact with him, but, his eyes shifted all over the place, avoiding any contact with mine. He knew I knew.

The tall man stepped over Stella,Mr Wilson,Jamie,and Steve. He pointed the shotgun at the back of Steve's head and pulled the trigger.Steve's head just disappeared in cloud of blood, matter, and brains.His body jerked, then lay still. Stella screamed,a scream that tore apart your soul, that will stay in your mind forever. Urine flowed from between her legs, and I could smell feces. Fear evacuates, fear immobilizes, fear kills.

Marcus,jumped back.

"Jesus, Jeff!Jesus!"

"Why you still standin'?

Shock, total shock, that's why I was still standing. My mind shut down,my mouth opened in a silent scream, and my eyes dropped tears. Steve was gone. Just like that.All that was left was a headless body, the stump of his neck still slowly pulsing blood.

I crumpled to the ground, gasping,I could hardly breathe, There was a sharp pain in my belly. I didn't even realize that he had punched me in the stomach with the stock of the shotgun.I lay my head on the ground and vomited.

"Fuckin' stay there." said Jeff

"Get his keys for the safe, they're on his belt"

"Hand over the keys,please." He smiled and I could see that he had a couple of gold teeth, something to tell the cops after this nightmare is over.I unhooked the keys from my belt and handed them to him. As he reached for them, the sleeve of his black jacket rode up revealing a tattoo of skeleton dancing round a stripper pole.Underneath it said "DOT"

Oh, I got you, motherfucker, I got you.

" Where's the office?"

I was about to tell him when I realized he was asking Marcus. That sealed the deal for me. I found myself getting angry. This little piece of shit was responsible for the death of a good kid who worked to save up for a motorcycle, a kid who was doing great in school,a hard worker,who was just 16 years old. Not once did he ever call off.Not once, no matter what happened, he showed up for work. And he's dead, and that fucker Marcus was still breathing,still walking the earth, that vile scumbag, that miserable excuse for life. I wanted to kill him.I wanted to tear him apart. Fuck justice, the law, fuck life in prison,he doesn't deserve any humane treatment. He deserves death, right here, right now.I want to rip his throat out with my teeth.I want to watch his eyes fade as he dies. I want me to be the last thing he sees. I want-

"This is it? This is all? Are you shitting me?"

The one called Jeff came out furious,lifted the shotgun, aimed and shot Mr Wilson in the back. Mr Wilson's body leapt in the air, and he yelled. He gasped as he tried to get away. Coughing up copious amounts of blood, he tried to stand, fell and lay still. Stella screamed and screamed and then was silent as the one called Jeff shot her in the head.

Jamie didn't move, just lay there prone with his hands behind his head, silently praying to his God.He had just turned 17,and was going to have a birthday party with all his friends this weekend. "Lots of kegs, lots of babes, maybe some smokes, no parents allowed," he had said, laughing that strange donkey like he haw that was infectious.

He turned his head toward me and I will never forget the look of terror on his face for it was the last thing I saw as his head turned to a red mist.
I knew then, I was going to die, and I was strangely calm.I was fueled by rage.All these deaths for a few thousand? That's what our life was worth? And, they're going to get away with it? There's going to be no justice for us, no vengeance? I felt a dark rage coming over me. A pure black feeling that chilled me to the bone.My mind was clear.

You're going to die, take one with you.

I gritted my teeth and-

Blackness...,cold....,so cold....,never felt a cold like this...,never felt so...,disconnected...I could see nothing...,darkness all around me...,I was floating in a seas of nothing..., was I dead? Is this what it's like? Where's the light? Shouldn't there be a light for me to follow?I screamed, but there was no sound. I felt my soul, open, raw, render into little pieces, felt my whole being tear apart...,

NO! NO NO!

How is this fair? Where's the justice? We all die and they live? They get to breathe, drink,eat,sleep,fuck? HELL NO! I WON'T ALLOW IT! I will not go quietly into this night,I will not stand down, I will not go to the Pearly Gates and wait for Judgment. I must have blood,I need retribution,vengeance,I will NOT pass over, do you hear me? I WILL NOT!

I WILL NOT-

Darkness again...,feel confined...,air's stuffy....,my bones ache, and I feel something missing on the right side of my head.My eyes are open, but it's complete darkness, I attempt to move my arms,they are crossed over my chest, but something above prevents it. My head feels as if it is laying on something soft, in fact my whole body feels as if it's laying on something cushiony. Pins and needles start in my legs, the numbness starts to leave me,and the roaring in my ears dissipates, and I can hear someone sobbing,though muted.
"Veronica, love, come on, you need to sleep, you need to rest..."

Veronica, my Veronica?

"I can't sleep, I can't leave him. Oh,Mom, I can't get it into my head he's dead.I feel as if we've made a mistake and he's in there wanting to get out. Can't I open the lid?See him one more time?"

Lid? Oh, shit I'm in a coffin.They think I'm dead, they think I'm dead! I'm not dead, Veronica, I'm not dead.

" Hon, you saw him at the morgue. You had to identify him. I know it's hard,but, he's gone love,he's at peace,now."

Peace?I'm not at peace, I'm alive...,aren't I?

"C'mon,hon, let's go home and lay down just for a little bit.You'll need your strength for the funeral tomorrow. C'mon, there's a dear,"

I hear a chair scraping, and more sobbing that slowly fades away, then silence.

I lay there trying to work out the possibility. Maybe I'm alive, maybe there was a major fuck-up in the morgue, maybe the doctor who pronounced me dead isn't great at taking vital signs,or, maybe I'm one of those poor people who show all the signs of death, but are catatonic, like in that old movie, Premature Burial with Ray Milland.

Or, maybe I am truly dead and am laying in my coffin in a funeral home, with my wife sobbing over my remains.

Only one way to find out.

I try to sway back and forth, it isn't easy, but eventually I get a kind of a rhythm going. I can feel the coffin move slowly back and forth, back and forth, I can feel it sort of rock to and fro, then-
I feel it toppling.It feels like a long time before it hits the ground, but I feel the impact, and hear a loud crack, but it doesn't explode into pieces like it would in the movies. I definitely heard a crack, though. I slowly move my hands along the lid, and on the left side by my chest I feel a little give. I push with my left hand and some light enters, not much, but enough to render me blind for a minute or two.I let my eyes get used to the light, then I try again to push. No use, no use,I slam my fist into the lid again and again and again, I feel the rage building within me, rage at the helplessness, at the futility and I slam my fist again,kick with my legs,yell and holler and moan and scream and keep slamming, and kicking, and punching and the rage builds and builds and I feel like I'm ready to explode, and suddenly the lid shoots open and I scream at the blinding light emanating from the candles.I cover my eyes, whimpering at the pain, and lay down, and slowly try to calm myself, and try to get used to the light.

The coffin is on it's side,facing toward a small table filled with candles, surrounding a photo of me. It was a head shot (Oh, Jesus!),taken when I turned 21. My hair was longer then, and my smile was genuine and my outlook in life was positive and glowing. 10 years later, I'm dead, but, somehow alive.

Dark thoughts enter my mind as I think of what Marcus and his pal, Jeff, did. The expulsion of live without a care. The viciousness, the violence, without any feeling,any humanity. How do they sleep at night? How could any human being sleep after being responsible for all that carnage?

Because they are not human

Or because they are human, and that's what humans' have done through the beginning of time. Murder each other for money, or,prestige,or, power. Our propensity for violence is in our genes, our very being. We lash out,punch, kick,pummel, fight,scratch,stab, shoot,destroy each other.We maul,we war,we rape,and pillage.We covet our neighbors goods,and land, and women.We enslave, we torture,we lie, we cheat,we steal. We pray to our Gods, ask for the destruction of another race, we prey on the weak, the powerless, those that show fear.We make them bow, and scrape,and prostrate before us.We humiliate them,denigrate them,strip them of all dignity, all hope.We dehumanize them so we can kill them easier, without conscious,without feeling.We fuck them,sodomize them,rape them with bottles,and bats, and bayonets. We behead them,hang them,burn them,electrocute them,drown them. They are the lower form of life and do not deserve our pity. They are our playthings, our sex toys, our boy toys.Their life is in our hands and we look on them with such contempt,and derision that we laugh at their cries and pleas for mercy. We have no mercy,no love,no remorse, no regret, and no shame. We have the gun, and you don't.You do as we say, or we hurt you.We'll hurt you anyway, for we see that you are helpless.You deserve the violence,the pain.You can't fight back, you won't fight back, and that gives us the right to bring you to your knees and demand you suck the cock of the powerful.
Patricide, Matricide, Infanticide, Homicide, Genocide, so many cides

Flayed

2011-05-01T03:22:00.003-05:00

Hungry Horace ate Keyhole Kate's face, with a side of roast potatoes, wonderful Yorkshire pud,and a heaping helping of Rodger's blood sausage (Rodger was behind Horace, tied to a chair, eyes glazed as blood oozed from the slit in his neck( Dodge outta that one,boy!Har Har!)

Elsewhere, Peter Piper checked the handcuffs, rope, and chloroform, and then began to play his pipes in front of a Brittany Spears poster,Sid's face was purple, his tongue black, eyes almost popping from their sockets, because he forgot the rudimentary procedure when feeding his snake, Faceache was a shoo-in to win X-Factor, and he was getting emails from numerous horror movie makers like Wes Craven and John Carpenter, Oddball was forced to make money by advertising himself as the Ultimate Dildo, Little Mo was tasting cock for the first time, Desert Island Dick finally saw a ship passing by and swam out to meet it, only to be disemboweled and eaten by Hook-Jaw, Judge Dredd blew Bully Beef away for obvious reasons, Chips, despondent, hanged himself from a lamppost on the corner of Bash Street, Ginger stole Vals Vanishing Cream and watched Beryl taking a bath, the knife in his hand sharp and gleaming, Shiner lay crumpled in a heap by a gutter, pulverized by Pansy Potter after making comments about her sexual orientation, and , Billy Whizz proved once and for all on Youtube that he was faster than The Flash.

All this happened because some kids were exploring and came upon the flayed skin of a god, and one of them decided to wear it.

OMFG! This trailer is AWESOME!

2009-06-04T02:42:00.003-05:00

What Star Wars Prequels should've been

Thanks to

Sean T. Collins for the link

Must all Fantasy be EPIC?

2009-05-01T02:19:00.005-05:00

First in a three part series...,book one of an epic story...,a story so epic even the author doesn't know when it will end..., blah, blah, blah...

I have decided that when a new fantasy novel is released, I am going to wait until the series is finished before I even give it a try.

A Song Of Ice And Fire. I don't know if it will ever be finished. Loved the first three novels, but was let down by the fourth. A Dance For Dragons will be out, well, who really knows? Only George R.R. Martin, and he ain't tellin'.

Wheel Of Time series. Robert Jordan died before finishing the last book. Brandon Sanderson may, or may not be a good writer, I really don't know, but he is not Robert Jordan, so the last book (actually three books)will be different.Unless Sanderson has Harry Keogh's abilities ( go wiki it).

Now, Steven Erikson has only two more books to go in his Malazan series, and it is the one series that I have invested myself in. But, anything can happen.I'm nervous, truth be told. What if something happens to him? That's it fucked. Oh, someone else may come along, but, he, or she, may try to copy Erikson's style, but, it won't be his unique voice.

Nervous Nelly, me.

As I understand it, whenever someone has asked Martin if he has the outline for the end of A Song Of Ice And Fire, he has declared that it is in his head.

3 things come to mind.

1. He is obviously joking and has an outline of the whole series written down somewhere.

2. He's writing it as he goes along and doesn't really know how it's going to end.

3. He is telling the truth.

If it is 3, then he has just shown how much he doesn't give a fuck about his readers. Surely he is aware of his age? Surely he is aware that some major health problem may, out of the blue, happen?

I mean look what happened to Rex Miller.

A Song Of Ice And Fire may never end.So why bother investing your time, and money in the series? What's the point? You probably will never know what happens to Tyrion, Jon, Arya, Brienne, or many other characters if what Martin has stated is true.

Maybe HBO will give Martin a nudge to finish the series? After all, they have greenlit a pilot and , if it is successful, will develop a series based on the novels.

If Dance For Dragons is finally released, I'll be getting it at the library, and reading it slow, because God knows when The Winds Of Winter will arrive.

Then again, there's that 2012 thing, so, fuck it, no more series. No need, we're all gonna die!

RIP Stan Winson

2008-06-17T00:19:00.002-05:00

Sad news

This man created some of the most memorable creatures ever to grace the big screen. The Terminator, Jurassic Park, Aliens,The Thing,and many others.

He was only 62.

Rest In Peace.

New Bond-Devil May Care

2008-06-07T12:28:00.002-05:00

I was looking forward to this, but, I think my expectations were way too high, because I was so disappointed.

Pedestrian is the only word I can use to describe Devil May Care. It just seemed like it went from one thing to another almost as an afterthought. I didn't really care for the characters, the plot, the so-called action. If I remember the blurb from the inside jacket, the publishers used the word "unbearable pace and tension"

Bollocks. It was unbearably slow, and there was more tension in The Clangers fer chrissake(whoops, showing me age there!).

Sorely disappointed. Maybe the next one I'll care about.

You don't know how weak you are until you move.

2008-05-06T11:18:00.002-05:00

And boy, am I weak! Nerd weak. I'm so weak, I can't even lift me cheek to fart(which accounts for the really nasty skid marks)

But, really, why am I so weak?Why am I such a pathetic excuse for a human being? Why is it I have no talent whatsoever in anything? Most people seem to be good at something. Jack of all trades, master of none.Me? Jack of fuck all.

It does get me down. I feel so fucking inadequate, I wonder why I'm on this planet at all. I seem to be just taking up space.

All the men who helped us move picked stuff up with ease whereas I had an extremely difficult time. One other thing I've noticed. My fingers have no grip.It seems as though my fingertips are only good for fingerprinting, items just slide right out of my hands.

I do have one talent, I guess.

Sleeping.

I'm pretty good at that.

Self pity rant over, you may return to your work.

Moving.Stressed.

2008-04-26T02:13:00.002-05:00

Moving out today.Going to a new apartment and all we have left is the big stuff. Can my back hold out? Do I have enough Tylenol?Will my ball sac drag on the floor after all this is over?

Stay tuned.

Don't forget! Final season of Battlestar starts tonight!

2008-04-04T06:36:00.003-05:00

Can't wait, although it means another of my fav shows is ending.
And, so far, I haven't seen anything wortwhile to replace them.

20 Scariest Movies of All Time?

2008-04-04T06:27:00.002-05:00

Not a bad list. Glad to see Henry in there

Duma Key...,Stephen King is back!

2008-03-10T21:29:00.003-05:00

Yessir! The man is back!

At first I thought that he wasn't because Duma Key starts of with an accident involving a vehicle. I mean I know you were run over Mr King, but Jeezus, we get it, it was fucking HORRIBLE.

But, to his credit, and talent, I was still able to keep reading, and I am glad I did. This is old skool Stephen King, this is the man who can send shivers down your spine, who can make you afraid to turn out the lights, who can make you puke your guts up if he so desires. I was enthralled with this book. This book kept me off the Wii, fer chrisakes,took me away from the Internet, I almost called off work just to finish it!(Thankfully I have a level headed wife who showed me the error of my ways). That's the POWER this man has when his creative juices are on full.

The characters are written so well, that I felt tears in my eye when...,but I have said too much. It is an emotional book, and a taut, suspenseful, terrifying one. It's one of Stephen King's best and I highly recommend it.

I never said I was a good reviewer now, did I?

HBO's The Wire.Farewell...

2008-03-10T21:13:00.003-05:00

Well, it's over. I can't get over the fact that there will be no more episodes.

It was with trepidation that I watched the final episode because it seems that shows don't seem to end well. It either maudlin and overly emotional, or it just literally sucks. I think David Simon got this right.. It makes me sad to see it go, but to be able to condense 13 episodes into 10 (thanks HBO)and still create a superb drama is down to the writers talent.

The Wire is still one of televisions greatest dramas ever. Beats out The Soprano's by a mile, though Deadwood comes a close second.
Speaking of second, HBO's gonna became second rate now they have successfully gotten rid of all their best shows.The Wire, Rome, Deadwood, The Sopranos, they are all gone. What does HBO have now? Real time,Real Sex, Cathouse, B-Movies with an A budget? How will they wow us now? They would have to come up with something as close to good as The Sopranos and The Wire to keep people subscribing.

Farewell, HBO, I hardly knew ye.

No genitalia, please, we're American!

2008-02-13T12:53:00.003-05:00

Watched Beowulf last night. S'funny, you can see a man ripped in half,see a man get the top of his head bitten off, but, God forbid you see his cock.
Same with the women. When Grendel's mother makes her dramatic entrance, the first thing I noticed was her noticibly invisible vagina. Either Brad Pitt ain't getting none, or Robert Zemeckis,director of Beowulf, doesn't want kiddies traumatized forever by seeing naughty parts.Supposedly, Grendel is King Hrothgar's son,but with Grendel's mother devaginised, how the hell do they do it? Of course, she's a monster, maybe her slit is somewhere's else, but, c'mon, if she seduced these men, all I can say is that she must give good head.

I'll have to sit and read the poem meself, but according to reviews on IMDB, this movie takes a lot of liberties with the original source.

The final battle is amazing, I must admit, but before that it was okay. Something to watch when there's nothing else on.

Can the Giants get it done?

2008-01-25T22:30:00.000-05:00

They came up short the last time they played the Pats. Crumbled in the last quarter.

I hope they can pull off the upset. I hope it's a close game.

Yeah, I know, I'm a Wii addict

2008-01-25T22:14:00.001-05:00

Damn, I need to get back online and peruse, but, I'm just really into playing with my wii(Jesus, I'll bet that jokes been done to death.)

I did actually read a book between Wii times. Slide, by, Ken Bruen, and, Jason Starr. I loved Bust, a quick, blacker than black noir written by men on some sort of new craic. Funny, violent,brutal,twisted,sharp,over the top,and vulgar.In other words, my cup of tea.

For some reason, there's something missing from their second collaboration, and truth be told, I can't tell you what it is. I just could not get into this book. It's got the same writers, the return of a couple of characters from Bust, the same over the top, vulgar brutality, and vicious humor, but, maybe it was just me, I could not invest my time in it. Hell, it took me a week to finish it, and War And Peace it ain't.

I can't recommend it, but, I sure can recommend Bust.Fantastic stuff.

By Reason Of Insanity, by, Shane Stevens

2008-01-06T22:59:00.000-05:00

Just finished the book last night. Wow! The best fictional account of a serial killer ever.Forget about Hannibal Lecter, he's Pollyanna compared to Thomas Bishop. Bishop is a cold calculating, unfeeling mass murderer.Slaughtering his way from LA to NY, all in unflinching detail.You are inside the killer's head all the way. We know why he does what he does. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

There's a scene in the book were he sees all the women walking around him as corpses.Ghastly, and mutilated. Brilliant piece of writing.Bishop is intelligent, cunning, a fox hiding among the hens in the hen house.Waiting for his next meal.He's charming, polite, sets women at ease. He doesn't look like a madman.He's a killing machine, and it doesn't seem as if anyone can stop him

Savage is a word I'd use when describing Bishop. Remember, this book was written in 1978, and yet you'd think it was contemporary. A reporter even gets inside the killers head and tries to think as Bishop does in an effort to catch him.

All in all, this book is highly, highly recommended. Shane Stevens has created a crime classic. Go get it. You won't be disappointed.

Steelers out, Titans out

2008-01-06T22:54:00.000-05:00

That's me happy!

Happy New Year(and, man, am I happy!)

2008-01-02T14:17:00.000-05:00

I got a Nintendo Wii as a Christmas and belated wedding present. Happy? Fuckin' A!!

I'm playing Super Mario Galaxy, which is taking me away from the internet.

The whole family loves it. It's very intuitive. Easy to learn. Great console.

Wow!I'm in heaven

Later, probably much later :)

Cleveland Browns 9 wins 5 losses. Blizzard bowl!

2007-12-17T23:39:00.000-05:00

Phil Dawson rules!

No Country For Old Men- coulda bin a classic-BIG TIME SPOILERS!

2007-12-04T12:54:00.000-05:00

Man, this book had me by the balls. I couldn't stop reading it. I didn't know how it was going to end. I was rooting for Moss big time, and Anton Chigurh was one cold psychotic sonofabitch. Then, the author justs goes off on another tangent, like giving the reader the middle finger. Ha!Ha!Ha!Fuck you, he says to the reader. You invest emotionally in one of my characters and want to see a confrontation? You want to read how it comes out? This book isn't something like that. This book is LITERATURE and I'll be damned if I'm gonna give you the satisfaction of seeing a showdown between the good and bad guy. Fuck you, says the author. Here's my ass, now pucker those lips and give me a big wet one.

No, FUCK YOU,Cormac, you cocksucker, that's the last book I ever read written by you. And I'm gonna watch the movie when it comes out on DVD, rent it at the library so's I don't have to give one fucking cent for it. Because I'm a huge fan of The Coens y'see. I'll watch it for them.

Goddamn you McCarthy, Damn you to hell

I HATE the Ravens, but...

2007-12-04T12:42:00.000-05:00

...,I sure did want them to win last night.What a great game. Down to the wire. Major fuck ups, though. Ravens had the Pats stopped on 4th and 1, but the defensive coach called a time out just before the ball was snapper. Man, you could tell the defense were pissed!

Question, do players get punished for helping to lose a game? Let's talk about my Brownies for a sec. Down 6 points close to the end of the 4th Q. Need good field position. Get it on the kick off return. Penalised 15 yds because one stupid cocksucker head butts a Cardinal player. Now, if I was the coach, I'd fine that fucker and bench him. Things like that piss me off. He was responsible for the loss. That, and the ref. Winslow was pushed out of bounds. he got the TD. 99 times out of a 100 the refs always go against the Browns.

I hope the Browns win this weekend, and the Steelers lose.

Go Browns!

Cleveland Browns win with a crazy ending!

2007-11-20T12:29:00.000-05:00

Wow!What an ending! I can't believe that the refs actually gave us the points since it seemed they were against us the whole game. Looking at the replay, you could see that it was good, but, when I was watching it, I couldn't tell. I thought he had missed again.

You realise how good the Browns would be if we had a defense?It shouldn't have had to go to OT if the defense had actually done their job.

That's the second week in a row that they have let a lead slip away.

Still, though, they are in contention for a playoff spot.So, yes, I'm happy.

GO BROWNS!

I wish I had a Sugar Mommy, then she could buy me this

2007-11-16T13:52:00.000-05:00

Of course she would also have to buy me a Wii console.

Jesus, but doesn't that look awesome?

Spiderman 3- what a mess!

2007-11-15T03:06:00.000-05:00

Wow. I was looking forward to watching this movie based on the awesome trailer. I wish I'd watched The Wiggles instead.

Sam Raimi sure had no heart when making this mess. There was just no passion. Two many stories going on. I would have preferred one villain, either Sandman, or Venom, not both. The acting was okay, it as if Raimi had channeled George Lucas.And who the fuck came up with the bad boy Parker look? I mean WTF? Surely they saw the movie before it was released? Did no-one have the balls to say that it looked laughable, and not in a good way? Jesus, I was embarrassed just watching it.

The effects didn't wow me, either. Everything about the movie seemed half hearted. Sad, really. The only thing that would make me watch it again would be a love scene between Mary Jane, and Gwen Stacey.

Rent it at least to see Peter Parker turning into Dieter from "sprockets."

Thank God I didn't buy Gears Of War for PC!

2007-11-15T02:47:00.000-05:00

From reading the message boards, you have to be online to save the game.My Game PC is upstairs, and it's not connected to the internet.I never play multiplayer. I was pumped to play the game, but, I'm not gonna fork out money to go wireless just to play a fucking game. I'll wait for a crack thank you very much.

Thanks, Bill, thank you very fucking much.

Most heartbreaking commercial ever?

2007-11-15T02:43:00.000-05:00

You decide

some horror links for Halloween

2007-10-30T02:35:00.000-05:00

Damned Critic

Grim Reviews

Little Blog Of Horrors

Halloween's coming on
And the goose is getting fat
Will you please put a penny
In the old man's hat?
If you havnae got a penny
A ha'penny will do
If you havnae got a ha'penny
God bless you
An yer old man,too

Hmmm....no Technorati update?

2007-10-30T02:31:00.000-05:00

Seems my recent posts haven't appeared on Technorati. According to the site, the last post from me was about the movie "Bug." I have included a "ping" and hopefully it will rectify the situation.

Great day at the library!Bruen, McCammon,Hunter

2007-10-22T20:43:00.000-05:00

Went to library today, looking for Wheels Of Darkness.It was out, but, I did find some crackers!

Ammunition, by, Ken Bruen

The 47th Samurai, by, Stephen Hunter

The Queen Of Bedlam , by, Robert McCammon

James Tiptree, jr, The Double Life Of Alice B. Sheldon , by, Julie Phillips

Finished Bruen's book. Fast paced, short, sharp sentences, brutally funny, brutally violent, noir that is pitch black,a sheer ride that thrills, Inspector Brant scares the bejeezus outta me.Hell, he scares the shit out of everyone. The man simply does not give a fuck.Bruen is brilliant. Check out all his books. They're all crackers.

Next up, Bob Lee Swagger. A man whose balls are so big,they had to transplant an elephant scrotum to hold 'em.

Bionic Commando for the PC- I just came in my pants

2007-10-22T02:00:00.000-05:00

Pardon me while I get a tissue

Make that a box

WHY,WHY,WHY,CAN'T CLEVELAND WIN?

2007-10-22T01:56:00.000-05:00

sigh

Great,funny, sick,short story

2007-10-03T01:55:00.000-05:00

Burial Of Mokes
And The Cemetary Blues, by, JJ Solari

Absolutely fantastic!

Bug .Not what the trailer promised.

2007-09-26T02:16:00.000-05:00

First off, I loved the movie. Ashley Judd was fantastic in the movie (and, nude, too!). But, the trailer made it seem like an old fashioned bug movie(which I love).It's a psychological horror movie, not an insect invasion film.

People who create trailers must absolutely HATE movie lovers for they either give the whole plot away, or they misdirect.

Fuck 'em,anyway.

BUG is a really good movie. It's about reality, and how some perceive it.It's about mental illness,it's about the life of someone who has no life, who goes from one soul crushing day to the other, having no future, no love, living a pathetic existence,waiting for death to bless them and take them away from the agony of living.

William Friedkin (who directed The Exorcist) directs with style, and gets a great performance from Ashley Judd. She is absolutely terrific in this role. I highly recommend BUG , which is now out on dvd.

Wow! Two books in one day! Both bloody HUGE!

2007-09-15T01:41:00.000-05:00

Of course Tim Lucas's Bava book is really huge. I'm a recently married man, so there is no way I can even think about reading these books right now. Don't want to upset the missus, y'know.

Nightmare, USA

MARIO BAVA—ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK

I got married!

2007-09-14T01:59:00.000-05:00

Sept 8th, people.Which is why I've been ignoring this blog.Too busy with perperations for the wedding. I am now a happily married man with a beautiful wife.

I can die happy, now.

I have an half inch nail.Wanna buy it for $500,000.00?

2007-08-20T02:48:00.000-05:00

Fuck me, I gotta get a defense contract

Finished some books...

2007-08-20T02:19:00.000-05:00

Lies Of Locke Lamora was fantastic. Full of rousing action,mystery,suspense, humor,and lies,lots and lots of lies. Locke can lie his way out of anything.That's his talent, you see. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and will be reading Red Seas Under Red Skies soon.Highly recommended

Crooked Little Vein,however, did not live up to my expectations. It was written by Warren Ellis, the man who created Transmetropolitan fer chrissake! It's a small book, short, but, there was something missing. It seems he went out of his way to disgust, and shock, but, it all became a bit boring really. The story, in a nutshell(nut being the figurative word), is about the SECOND constitution that the Government wants found. This book, when read to a crowd turns them into Stepford people, vanilla people if you will. It'll take all the depravity, and sexual deviance, and violence away from our lives, turn us into mindless drones (as if we aren't already). Mike McGill is a "shit magnet," and the biggest turd shows up at his door,the heroin addicted Chief Of Staff. He's given a half a mill to find the second constitution. On his travels in his search, he comes across many weirdoes and deviants, with some absolutely far out sexual fetishes. Ellis can write, don't get me wrong. there are some beautiful passages in the book, but, I think he got too involved with the gross out, rather than the story.

Do what I did, get it at the library. I couldn't see myself forkin over $21 for it.

Now reading Mr Hands, by Gary A. Braunbeck, which is turning out to be a classic and I'm only half way through. Braunbeck can write gross stuff as well, but it doesn't detract from the story. There's one scene that is gross, but, absolutely heartbreaking. The man's amazing and he should be selling more books.

Romeo, start Brady next game,please

2007-08-20T02:16:00.000-05:00

I want to see how he does against the first string team. I'll admit, though, it was awesome seeing him play that last quarter.

GO BROWNS!

Look At The Size Of This Book!

2007-08-11T01:37:00.000-05:00

MARIO BAVA—ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK By Tim Lucas

Massive Tome

right click on the link above and save, then play the wmv with Windows media.

Wow!That it one huge book! The only Bava I remember seeing was Black Sabbath. That segment with Boris Karloff was chilling, as was the segment with the thief stealing the ring. Scary stuff.

If you are a Bava fan, then I suggest you go to

Mr Lucas' Bava book blog

and order you a copy because the price goes up after the 21st of August.

"760,927" words! I'm having trouble just writing this!

Bravo Mr Lucas!

Are U ready for some football?

2007-08-11T01:32:00.001-05:00

I am a Cleveland Browns fan. Do or die. They are going to the Superbowl this year.Although this has me jittery.

Go Browns!!!!

That was the week that was

2007-08-11T00:52:00.000-05:00

What an absolutely crappy week my girlfriend and I have had. Absolutely lousy.

First of all, she lost her cellphone.She had it definitely on Tuesday night because she called me when I was on my break at work.This was around 10.00pm.The next morning she went to get her cell on her way out to her job. We couldn't find it.We tore the house apart looking for it.We looked in every nook and cranny.We even looked in the garbage. We simply could not find it. I even called her cell and all I got was forwarded to her voicemail which meant it was off.

Now,we are working on putting a new shower in the bathroom downstairs, so the water was turned off,including the washing machine.So, that night, when I got home from work, we went to the all night laundry. That's where I thought it was.So, I thought it had been stolen. She called Verizon and had them disable the cell, just in case.

Wednesday night I came home and let the two dogs out.Cujo has to be chained, or else he'll run off, Muttley won't run so she gets to run around the lawn and pick her spot to pee. While I was hooking Cujo up to the chain I heard a faint ppphhiitt.Then ,the smell.Muttley had been sprayed by a skunk.Jesus Christ, that smell is powerful!

Thursday, we had a tornado warning.What else, I thought to myself.World War 3?

To help me with my depression, I ordered some books from Amazon

"The Vanishing" Bentley Little

"Vaders" R. Patrick Gates

"Mr. Hands" Gary A. Braunbeck

"Robbie's Wife" Russell Hill

"Songs of Innocence (Hard Case Crime)" Richard Aleas

Now earlier today actually some good news.When I let the dogs out, I suddenly remembered that on Tuesday I couldn't find the chain for Cujo because it was so dark.So, I asked my girlfriend where it was. She went out to show me where the chain was.Cujo had wrapped the whole thing around the small tree by the garage. Before that we have large garbage bags stacked up to be taken to the dump. That's the one place we didn't look.Sure enough, there it was,lying on top of one of the black bags.

Now, consider this. That phone had been out there since Tuesday night, I didn't find it until Friday afternoon. We had rain Wed, and tornado warnings on Thursday. It poured down. Guess what, the phone turned on. Everything works.I cannot believe it.I am so fucking amazed.

Watched Ace In The Hole starring Kirk Douglas, and directed by Billy Wilder.What a fantastic film. Definitely more relevant today than it was back then. Media circus is right. Brilliant movie.Highly recommended!

Reading Lies Of Locke Lamora,by Scott lynch. Lovin it so far. Sci-Fi book Club just sent me Red Seas Under Red Skies, so I am gonna try to finish Lies asap.

Here's the description for Lies:

In this stunning debut, author Scott Lynch delivers the wonderfully thrilling tale of an audacious criminal and his band of confidence tricksters. Set in a fantastic city pulsing with the lives of decadent nobles and daring thieves, here is a story of adventure, loyalty, and survival that is one part Robin Hood, one part Ocean’s Eleven, and entirely enthralling.…

An orphan’s life is harsh–and often short–in the island city of Camorr, built on the ruins of a mysterious alien race. But born with a quick wit and a gift for thieving, Locke Lamora has dodged both death and slavery, only to fall into the hands of an eyeless priest known as Chains–a man who is neither blind nor a priest. A con artist of extraordinary talent, Chains passes his skills on to his carefully selected “family” of orphans–a group known as the Gentlemen Bastards. Under his tutelage, Locke grows to lead the Bastards, delightedly pulling off one outrageous confidence game after another. Soon he is infamous as the Thorn of Camorr, and no wealthy noble is safe from his sting.

Passing themselves off as petty thieves, the brilliant Locke and his tightly knit band of light-fingered brothers have fooled even the criminal underworld’s most feared ruler, Capa Barsavi. But there is someone in the shadows more powerful–and more ambitious–than Locke has yet imagined.

Known as the Gray King, he is slowly killing Capa Barsavi’s most trusted men–and using Locke as a pawn in his plot to take control of Camorr’s underworld. With a bloody coup under way threatening to destroy everyone and everything that holds meaning in his mercenary life, Locke vows to beat the Gray King at his own brutal game

I am hoping next week will be bloody boring and uneventful.Crossing my fingers....,

The Wrong Kind of Blood- Bloody fantastic!

2007-07-31T01:12:00.000-05:00

"After twenty years in Los Angeles, Ed Loy has come home to bury his mother. But hers is only the first dead body he encounters after crossing an ocean."

Declan Hughes has written an amazing mystery where the wrong kind of blood has deadly reprecussions.Talked into attempting to find the husband of an old friend, Ed Loy is plunged into the world of drugs,thugs,and murder.I read this in one day.I simply could not put it down.The characters are convincing, the dialogue is crisp,the setting is wonderful, and the villans are brutal, and chilling.Ed Loy is an interesting PI,and I will be looking forward to reading his next thriller.

Irish Noir at it's best!Highly recommended!

Buy the book here.

Tom Snyder dies at 71

2007-07-31T01:03:00.000-05:00

Sad news here

I was just watching parts of "Tomorrow Show" on youtube the other day. He was a great interviewer and I always loved how he would have eclectic guests.

RIP,Tom

Fuck you, Emmy

2007-07-22T22:07:00.000-05:00

To all the members that vote on which shows should be included on the ballot, fuck you. Fuck you, fuck your family, your friends, and anyone remotely associated with you.

The Wire, one of the greatest dramas ever created for television doesn't get on the ballot anywhere?

Not for writing?Or acting?Or direction?Nothing?

What the fuck is wrong with you all? Did you watch it? What was wrong with it?Too many blacks on the show?Is that what was wrong?Too black?Hmmmmm?

Or, maybe it was too slow?Is that it? You're tiny little minds just aren't used to something that takes time to tell the story. Your MTV fucked brains just cannot compute the wonders of characterisation, plot,great storytelling? Not enough flash and bang, and quick cuts for your ritalin addled brains?

Probably.

I'm thinking that last seasons 24 had too much depth for you

Fuck you.

Rant over.

I wish she was my granny

2007-07-22T22:03:00.000-05:00

Swedish woman gets world's fastest Internet connection

Hmmmm,so UPS does deliver on Saturdays

2007-07-22T21:56:00.000-05:00

Here I was thinking that UPS only delivered weekdays.

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows was delivered just around 11:00am. I've been reading it on and off this weekend.Damn, this book is dark.

Not going to spoilerise it for anyone that hasn't read it yet, but, if you are a fan of the series, I think you will enjoy it.

Ashamed to read Harry Potter in public?

2007-07-22T21:53:00.000-05:00

Then go here(NSFW)

YOU WANT WAR? read The Religion,by, Tim Willocks

2007-07-20T02:53:00.000-05:00

The siege of Malta described in the novel is terrifying,monstrous,maddening, brutal,bloody,and, strangely uplifting.This is war, in all it's glory, and shame, and carnage. The soldiers are strong, and brave, and scared, and fanatical,and human.There is blood, and piss, and shit, and brain matter,and body parts,and blowflies, and decomposition, putrefaction, misery,pain,succour,hate, love, devotion, valor,obsession,glory of God,of Allah, of riches, and of power.

Tim Willocks novel, The Religion is powerful,unforgettable, an account of the Siege Of Malta in 1565 told through the eyes of Mattias Tannhauser, a man who can live in both camps, Christian, and Muslim.He's a soldier of fortune, a man with no allegiance, who sees both sides as a means to an end.

The description of the siege and the battles is in such detail that I wondered how any man could enter such a fight.Seeing soldiers sliced, and hacked, and burned,hearing the screams,watching the heads fly, and the blood flow,and the entrails uncoil should surely stop someone in his tracks.Well, it would me.

This is the description from Amazon

"May 1565. Suleiman the Magnificent, emperor of the Ottomans, has declared a jihad against the Knights of Saint John the Baptist. The largest armada of all time approaches the knights’ Christian stronghold on the island of Malta. The Turks know the knights as the “Hounds of Hell.” The knights call themselves “The Religion.”

In Messina, Sicily, a French countess, Carla La Penautier, seeks passage to Malta in a quest to find the son taken from her at his birth twelve years ago. The only man with the expertise and daring to help her is a Rabelaisian soldier of fortune, arms dealer, former janissary, and strapping Saxon adventurer by the name of Mattias Tannhauser. He agrees to accompany the lady to Malta, where, amid the most spectacular siege in military history, they must try to find the boy—whose name they do not know and whose face they have never seen—and pluck him from the jaws of Holy War.

The Religion is the first book of the Tannhauser Trilogy, and from the first page of this epic account of the last great medieval conflict between East and West, it is clear we are in the hands of a master. Not since James Clavell has a novelist so powerfully and assuredly plunged readers headlong into another world and time. Anne Rice transformed the vampire novel. Stephen King reinvented horror. Now, in a spectacular tale of heroism, tragedy, and passion, Tim Willocks revivifies historical fiction."

It's a superb book, and I highly recommend it.

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows on it's way!

2007-07-20T02:40:00.000-05:00

According to the UPS tracking, the book is in Middleburg Heights!Which means I should get it today (UPS doesn't deliver on Saturdays,I believe).

Been looking forward to the final chapter in the Harry Potter series and have been desperately staying away from any chance of spoilers.It's been difficult.The internet is full of information on the book, hell even the NY Times reviewed it yesterday.

I have been strong, I have not succumbed to the temptations. Question is, has Harry Potter?

Not long, now to find out..., Thanks Amazon!

24 "snubbed" by emmy's. Snubbed? WTF?!!!

2007-07-20T02:30:00.000-05:00

This was on the yahoo entertainment page "New shows such as "Ugly Betty" and "Heroes" get Emmy nods, while "24" gets dissed."

Huh? The show sucked more donkey dick than Last Comic Standing. It was a joke. Written by chimps on crack fer crissake!

There should be an emmy for biggest turd. 24 would win hands down.

Final Girl's Friday The 13th Blog-A-Thon-check it out!

2007-07-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

http://finalgirl.blogspot.com/

Read the blogs she's linked.It's all about Friday The 13th goodness. I've read them, and there is some great stuff.

Awesome blog-a-thon!

Have they had a blog-a-thon on John Carpenter's The Thing, I wonder? That'd be something.

THE FRIDAY THE 13th BLOG-A-THON

2007-07-12T13:00:00.000-05:00

Ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma, boy, did this always scare the shit out of my sister.She's never even seen Friday The 13th.She doesn't like horror movies. Hates 'em in fact.

But, she sure knew that sound. Knew what it represented.

Ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma.

As her loving, caring brother, I made sure she heard it as many times as I could cruelly could get away with(until me Ma stepped in and gave me a whack on the head and a hollerin' that almost deafened me).

It truly scared her. She'd scream when she heard that.That and Regan's demonic voice in The Exorcist.
I was a bastard, I realise that, but, fuck, I couldn't help it. It was easy pickins. Isn't that what brothers are for? To desensitise their sisters to the sounds of Jason? Protect them from Demonic voices? Anesthetize them from the graphic violence of SFX? It's not like we can protect them from the real world, fer chrissake.
But, I digress

For me, Friday The 13th was one of those movies that really got me hardcore into horror.
Oh, I was a fan before, don't get me wrong. I loved the Universal horror films, and Hammer,and loved reading horror novels, but, I wasn't aware of Italian Horror, or Spanish horror,or Japanese horror(though BBC2 did show Onibaba once, but I was too young then to appreciate it).What Friday the 13th did was open my eyes, it was a weird sort of epiphany.And one scene did it for me.

The Kevin Bacon shishkabob

Fuck, but did that fx blow me away!It was a fucking jawdropper. How did they do that?Who did it?What mad genius conceived it?(Watching it for a second time, I took care to read the credits and found out Tom Savini was the genius).From that moment I knew. Horror all the way.And thus I began my journey to Horror nirvana.

Bava,Naschy, Romero,Fulci, Argento, Rob Bottin, The Blind Dead, Lars Von Trier's The Kingdom, so, so many movies have I watched and enjoyed ever since I saw Friday The 13th. And so many slasher movies.Goddamn, did they use every tool known to man as a murder weapon? Sure seemed like it.

Thank you Sean Cunningham, thank you Tom Savini, and thank you Paramount.

Now, how about Jason vs Paris (beware the soulsucker,Her BJ's kill!)?

(pic below)Paris' first victim

Don't forget Friday The 13th Blog-a-thon!

2007-07-12T12:50:00.000-05:00

Why isn't this series on DVD?

2007-07-10T03:22:00.000-05:00

Ron Ely as :Tarzan

More Good Old Days

2007-07-10T03:08:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm fucking nostalgic. It's the fucking heat doing it to me.

Love Thy Neighbour

Snooker *Sigh* I miss it.

"Hurricane Higgins"

World Snooker Champion Higgins

Bill And Ben The Flowerpot Men

Hector's House

The Woodentops

2007-07-09T12:31:00.000-05:00

Ah, the good old days.

Happy 4TH of July!

2007-07-04T02:20:00.000-05:00

I like it cos I get time and a half at work.

Happy Fourth everyone!

Why do I watch cooking shows?

2007-07-04T01:59:00.000-05:00

I'd never eat anything they cook.I don't like cheese, sour cream,buttermilk,gizzards, brains,liver,or most vegetables.Yet, invariably the cooks always seem to throw some ingredient into their recipe that makes me retch.

Cooking shows fascinate me. I am always staring slack jawed at the TV screen wondering what the chef will cook up next.A zombie with no appetite is what I am.For some reason cooks throw cheese into everything, even, *shudders*, on a nice perfectly cooked steak.Who the fuck thought that up? Was he, or , she, high on something? Why would you fuck up steak like that?

I'm amazed people don't sprinkle cheese on their coffee(you don't do that right?RIGHT?).The smell of cheese makes me nauseated,(it smells off, as does sour cream.Can't you people smell?)the feel of cheese reminds me of a corpses flesh,and the taste, Jesus, the taste of it makes my stomach roil in protest.

Yes, I have tried cheeseburgers, and lasagna, and pizza.Simply because people don't believe me when I tell them I don't like cheeses.

YOU DON"T LIKE CHEESE?!!!

Like I'd told them I don't like sex, or something.The shock, the horror

I'm a meat and potatoes man.Simple as that.Gimme a steak, hamburger, or BBQ ribs, and a nice big baked potato, and I am a happy camper.

That's a plain baked potato, no sour cream, no butter thank you very much.

Now back to watching Master Chef

Where do people find the time?

2007-07-04T01:43:00.000-05:00

I've been looking over the stuff that I have, and to tell the truth, I'll never be able to read all the books, watch all my DVD's, listen to all the music, play all the games,read all the blogs,and still be able to pay attention to my girlfriend

And yet, I read all these blogs and message boards, and I find that people are able to watch their DVD's, read their books, play their games, go to movies, go to concerts, go on vacation, and still have time to go to work, spend time with their loved ones, and friends, hell,even have time for a mistress!

Where or where do they find the time for all this stuff? Because the older you get the faster it goes.Time that is. Remember when you were young and the summer holidays seemed to last ages? Christ, nowadays it seems to go faster than Superman's farts(mmmmmmm, what kind of damage would THAT do, I wonder).

I'm wastin' time right now bloggin' when I should get back to reading The Religion by, Tim Willocks.Fantastic book,so far. It's an historical novel and a crackin' one at that.

Death Comes For The Fatman, by the way is highly recommended.

Ah, well, times a wastin', later

Some good books on the way from Amazon!

2007-07-02T01:43:00.000-05:00

Black Order: A Sigma Novel (Sigma Force Novels)

The Wrong Kind of Blood: An Irish Novel of Suspense

Altered Carbon: A Takeshi Kovacs Novel (Takeshi Kovacs Novels)

The Dead Yard: A Novel

So many books, so little time.

Halfway through Death Comes For The Fatman. Nowt wrong with thissun!

Fallout 3 interview-please let it be as good as 1 and 2

2007-07-02T01:34:00.000-05:00

God, I hope, I hope they don't fuck this up. The Fallout series is one of the best PC games ever created.

go here for the video

go here for the teaser trailer

John Sandford makes me laugh out loud

2007-06-30T02:58:00.000-05:00

Just finished reading Invisible Prey. Another great Lucas Davenport novel. John Sandford can create the most cold blooded killers, people with no conscious, and yet, I always find myself laughing out loud while I'm reading. John Sanford can write the funniest scenes, even during a bloodbath.

There is no mystery as to the identity of the killers. They are known to the reader early on. It's how Davenport investigates the murder of two elderly women that's important. He's also got a political hot potato on his hands with a 16 year old girl claiming a high ranking politico had sex with her. It's a great book, and I read it in one sitting. Thankfully I was off yesterday. Highly recommended.

"that fuckin' Flowers."

Just started reading Death Comes For The Fat Man, by Reginald Hill, a Dalziel/Pascoe mystery.

Info Here

Superb so far and I'm only into a few chapters.

Davenport, Dalziel, Pascoe, they are like old friends and are always welcome in my home.

Who's going to Horrorfind in Baltimore?

2007-06-27T02:03:00.000-05:00

I hate you. 'nuff said

Okay, okay, I don't really hate you, it's just plain old jealousy between the haves and have nots. Christ there's more stuff I haven't got, than stuff I have.

Curt from Groovy Age is going to be there reading from his novel in progress Night Falls On A Fairy Tale.

Neil Vokes did a wicked illustration for his chapbook. Check it out HERE . Killer, yes?

God, I'm so jealous right now I could kill my wife and son(that is, if I had a wife and son). I'll just have to do with imagining I'm Benoit.

Friday The 13TH blogathon, 7/13/07, Final Girl

2007-06-27T01:54:00.000-05:00

Friday the 13th blogathon

Yeah, let's pay tribute to a murderer

2007-06-26T02:07:00.000-05:00

STORY HERE

"The WWE canceled its live "Monday Night RAW" card in Corpus Christi, Texas, and USA Network aired a three-hour tribute to Benoit in place of the scheduled wrestling telecast. "

A THREE HOUR tribute? To a maniac who killed his wife and 7 year old boy?

That's just so fucking wrong!I don't give a good goddamn what he did before he murdered, he didn't deserve to get a tribute, never mind a 3 hour one.

This world is fucked, totally fucked

Groovy Age gets a Thinking Blogger award

2007-06-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

Go Here

And Final Girl gets one as well.

I'm hoping for the retard award meself

I'm 45 and am eagerly awaiting the last Harry Potter book

2007-06-24T19:25:00.000-05:00

I just don't know. Am I too old to be reading Harry Potter? Too old to play video games?Shouldn't I be out yelling at kids?Shakin' my fist at their little disrespectful faces, stampin' my feet in frustration, eyes buggin' out, face red with rage and indignation. I'm 45, that was an old coot back in my day. You were 45, you were close to yer grave.

None of that listenin' to rock music, growin' yer hair long, wearin' rags instead of neat suits, with ties. Women dressed appropiately back then, didn't go running around half naked(tho', god bless those that do). Young 'uns, they respected their elders...okay, that's bullshit, but, at least they FEARED their elders. Nowadays you'd get the shit kicked out of you, or even killed, you so much as look at a kid the wrong way.

But, I digress...,

I will say it, proudly from the rooftops if I have to, that I am eagerly awaiting Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. I have loved the series from the first book until Half Blood Prince. I will try desperately keep away from spoilers for I won't be able to get me hands on the book until the weekend after it comes out because I'll have my paycheck then (sucks sometimes getting paid every two weeks). I think what I should do is order from Amazon and get the two day shipping. The book is only $17.99, which is a helluva deal, and I do love deals.

I am a kid at heart, I haven't matured that's for sure. I'm definitely not like my Dad. Maybe that's why I'm a fan. I'm immature.

Still, looking forward to the final book.

Well, I'll be damned, I got linked!

2007-06-24T18:56:00.000-05:00

I was reading Declan Burke's blog,

Crime Always Pays

, and I was stunned to see a link to this blog. He linked a review I did of The Unquiet, by John Connelly.

Well, it wasn't actually a review.It was just a few lines about the book. Reviewing is not my forte.I'm still trying to find out what my forte is.

Finished Lee Child's newest action thriller Bad Luck And Trouble. Great stuff. Jack Reacher makes Jack Bauer look like Pollyanna. He kicks major ass. And the man is on revenge mode is this book.Definitely pick this up. Read the other Reacher novels while you're at it.

Now I have to figure out what to read next. Another thriller? Sci-Fi? Horror?Fantasy. This is what drives me nuts.After I read something good, something I have really, really enjoyed, I find it difficult to pick out what exactly I want to read next.

My TBR pile is piling up, and my DVD TBW pile is piling up, and the hours are flying by faster and faster, and I'm getting older, and older, greyer, and greyer, and my weekend off is suddenly almost over, and I am at a loss as to where exactly all that time went. It looks like I'll never catch up.Unless, of course, I get on welfare.Then I'll have all the time I need : ).

Curt over at Groovy Age
has me linked, now I have a link at Crime Always Pays.

Things are looking up!

Over $600 for 30 pills

2007-06-21T03:17:00.000-05:00

WTF!? If my fiancee didn't have insurance that's how much she'd have to pay for her medication.

Do pharmaceutical companies think everyone in the US is rich? Have they never heard of the term "blue collar?" Does this not prove that they don't give a flying fuck about anyone but themselves?

Damn, but how do the elderly survive when they have a shitload of meds a month to buy? Fuckin' Hell. Let's see, get your pills so you can be without pain or suffering, or, buy groceries? Fuck it, we have to starve a few days honey, then I'll be able to get your heart medication.

I hope you all rot in Hell you cocksucking, motherfucking, fathersucking,cunts.

Just finished John Connolly's The Unquiet

2007-06-17T03:30:00.000-05:00

Awesome book. Connelly's Charlie Parker novels are superb noir. If you like a little bit of horror with your noir, read any of his books.

Dark, suspenseful, disturbing, lyrical, emotional. That's all you need to know about his latest Charlie Parker book, The Unquiet.

Get it.Highly, highly recommended.

Cleveland Cavs : one game would've been nice

2007-06-17T03:25:00.000-05:00

Just one. I'da bin happy.Ida bin fuckin' overcome with joy. Lebron the King? Bollocks. Everyone in the Cavs were the Spurs bitches.

As is said every year in Cleveland about all the major sports team..., "maybe next year."

GO BROWNS!!!

The Sopranos Finale-A big Fuck you, or,the greatest ending in tv history?

2007-06-11T02:35:00.000-05:00

I'm still digesting the ending of the finale. At first, and I am sure everyone experienced this, I thought the cable had gone out. I was swearing, and shaken my fist at the TV, damning the cable company to hell.Then, the credits rolled.

I'm like, WTF? That's it? That's the ending? Then I was shaking my fist and calling David Chase all kind of names and damning him to hell.

What? You hate the fans of the show?Those that stuck with it for all these years? Did you just give everyone the finger? Did you?

Give you something Mr Chase. You have sure got me thinking. Those last minutes were very tense, and I was on the edge of my seat. Who were those men that you kept showing, acting suspicious? Did the whole family get massacred? Did Tony die?or, were you just showing us how Tony's life is. The constant fear of being whacked, the having to keep being on the alert. Never being relaxed when out of your home. Always, always looking over your shoulder. When that guy went to the bathroom, it reminded me of The Godfather. The guy sitting in the booth, wearing his hat low looked like Robert Patrick.All the lone men acted suspicious.

Now, I for one think that Tony was whacked. Remember Tony and Bobby were talking about getting shot? bobby said something to the effect that you probably don't feel nothin', everything goes black.And I think Tony wondered if you even heard the shot.

See the screen went black for a long time it seemed, then the credits rolled, but, with no music. He's dead. Didn't hear the shot, everything goes black

Phil's death was awesome. That sound effect made the scene.

What's with the cat? many people around the net thinks it's Christopher re-incarnated. If so, Paulies definitely gonna whack it.

Think, it's making everyone think. And pissed off, of course. But, after they calm down, maybe they'll sit and think about what Chase did. What he did was fuckin' brilliant, and ballsy.

I wonder how many people kept HBO on to watch John From Cincinnati?I know I certainly didn't.I was too shaken up to watch anything.

Jesus, now I'll be afraid to watch the last episode of The Shield, and Lost, and Battlestar.

Thanks for the mind fuck Mr Chase. Keep 'em coming.

WTF?IT WORKED!!!!!

2007-06-10T02:53:00.000-05:00

As they say in Ireland. Ticketyboo!Happy Days!

Let's see if this works

2007-06-10T02:38:00.000-05:00


Hi, ho, hi, ho,

It's off to Hell I go

    Just checking to see if this works or not, just going to
spout of garbage, which is what i usually do anyway.

    Y'know I was talking to myself last night.I fell asleep, I was so boring!

Don't forget!Last episode of The Sopranos tonight

2007-06-10T02:19:00.000-05:00

End of an era.

Looking forward to it, but, then again, not wanting it to happen.

It's like your weekend off. You just don't want it to end.

How the hell do you paragraph in HTML?

2007-06-10T02:05:00.000-05:00

Research, research, research. Is that what you say? okey doke, will do.

I've re-read the story. Now you know why I have that header.

A story

2007-06-10T01:47:00.000-05:00

Tommy watched as Santa masturbated into his mother’s cotton panties. Plain, white, Fruit of the Loom, size 8. Nothing special. No Victoria, no secret. The kind that you are not embarrassed to hang on a washing line. No lace, no frills, no entry. STAY OUT, they imply. No dicks allowed.

Santa’s head was tilted back, his eyes were closed, his mouth open, tongue tapping against his front teeth, drool matting his full, white beard. His hips went to and fro, to and fro, rhythmic, carnal. His left hand held the panties. He was rubbing them over his balls. His right hand stroked (through Tommy’s eyes), a large, swollen purple rope. Slow, slow, then faster, and faster. Santa grunted, and gasped, and moaned. His hips moved faster , his hand moved faster, and then, as his whole body trembled, he brought the panties up to his nose and sniffed deeply. Tommy stared incredulously as white stuff spurted out of the purple rope. At first he thought Santa had hurt himself. Santa came from the North Pole where there was nothing but snow, and ice, so he assumed that Santa’s blood must be so cold as to turn the color of snow.

Tommy gave a little yell. He tried to stop himself, but the thought of Santa bleeding to death on the living room floor in his parents’ house was too much for him to bear. The taunts of the school kids, the look from the neighbors, no, the anger of the whole world for killing Santa just overwhelmed him in those few microseconds.

Santa looked up, straight at Tommy. His belly protruded from his red suit. It was covered in wiry, gray hair. Tommy noticed that the rope had shrunk considerably. Santa Hmphed. Then said.
“Get back upstairs and go to sleep, or you ain’t getting’ shit.”

Tommy woke in the early hours of the morning, fragments of a strange, disturbing dream fogging his brain. But, it was Christmas! It meant presents. It meant roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans, and apple pie. It meant watching A Christmas Story, Wizard of Oz, and It’s A Wonderful Life. It meant family. Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins. People he rarely sees the rest of the year. People he’s glad he rarely sees as they all act as if there’s something hard and nasty shoved up their butts. Oh, and it was Jesus’ birthday.

Tommy got up out of bed and rushed over to his parents’ bedroom to wake them so he could open his presents. But, they weren’t there.
Downstairs already? He thought.

He rushed down the hall to the top of the stairs and he could hear them whispering. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, but they both sounded quizzical.

He ran down the stairs yelling “Merry Christmas, dad! Merry Christmas, mom!”
He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and gaped, for there by the silver Christmas tree sat a bike.
A bike he had wished for all year.
A bike that his parents were looking at in astonishment. Looking at each other as if to say “did you…?” Both shaking their head. Both scratching their heads. Both wondering how?

Nooooooo! First Clarkesworld, now Shocklines?

2007-06-09T03:04:00.000-05:00

Clarkesworld books is closing it's doors and is only selling what's left of his stock.

www.clarkesworldbooks.com/

Now, Shocklines is closing it's doors!

http://shocklines.stores.yahoo.net/

Two great stores that sold horror, sci-fi books, mags, comics, CD's.Both are great stores, both packaged the books with love and care, both gave great rates on shipping, now they are on their way out.

Fuckin' sad, that

Unfuckingbelievable footage.Lions vs Buffalo and Crocodiles

2007-06-04T02:59:00.000-05:00

David Attenborough needs to do commentary for this footage.Fucking awesome.

Listening to

2007-06-04T02:39:00.000-05:00

Metallica- Don't Tread On Me.

Next up

Thin Lizzy - Killer On The loose

My baby comes home today.But...

2007-06-04T02:35:00.000-05:00

I'm the one driving to the airport to pick her up. Me, who has no sense of direction. I couldn't find my way out of a silo.

Poor baby.She's gonna have to hire a taxi to find me.

The Sopranos-War has begun

2007-06-04T02:19:00.000-05:00

...and Tony's crew ain't doin' so good. Bobby's dead, Sil may never regain consciousness, and those two Italian hitmen sure fucked up big time. Phil's in the lead, but for how long?

So, all that therapy's been a waste? I don't think so.It wouldn't surprise me that the end of the last episode shows Tony Soprano,on his knees, begging for help from Melfi.

Who will survive and what will be left of them? Tagline for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre for sure , but, I think it applies here. What will become of the Soprano family if they survive?What will be the ramifications of the war?Emotionally, and psychologically? Is this a plan set by Carmine? Will Paulie survive? Where's Phil?With Waldo?

Great episode. Haven't even looked at the previews and I will be goddamned if I look at any message boards. It's gonna be difficult not to be spoiled, but I'm gonna do my damnedest to stay away from any discussion.

One more episode. Jesus.

SFBC merging with Doubleday?

2007-06-02T03:50:00.000-05:00

Seems there are major changes going on with the Science Fiction Book Club.I read rumors of it being absorbed into the Doubleday book club.God, I hope not.

SFBC is one of the best book clubs around. I got the Conan books from them and the Lord Of The Rings 3-in 1 book(awesome by the way). I had just rejoined,too. Got my 5 books for a buck.Plus 1 free

THE NAME OF THE WIND $1.00

DEATHBIRD STORIES (SFBC 50TH #19) $1.00

I AM LEGEND AND HELL HOUSE (2-IN-1)$0.00

BLAZE $1.00

THE YIDDISH POLICEMEN'S UNION $1.00

IRISH FIRESIDE TALES $1.00

It'll be a mistake to merge it with Doubleday.I, for one, and I think many others, will discontinue membership.

Check out this guy's blog for more info

http://www.blogorob.blogspot.com/

Home alone

2007-06-02T00:34:00.000-05:00

Fiancee is in New York to help with her daughters baby shower.She won't be back until Monday.

Damn, I miss her already. It was me day off today and I did nothing. I have been a veggie all day. I have done nothing productive whatsoever!

Fuck me. That's fuckin pathetic.

It's looking a bit better

2007-06-02T00:33:00.001-05:00

Yes?No?maybe?

Sigh, I'll keep working...

2007-05-31T03:01:00.001-05:00

tomorrow, though.It's 4am.Time for sleep.

try try try

2007-05-31T02:58:00.001-05:00

smaller size

Mmmmm..not bad..but...

2007-05-31T02:55:00.000-05:00

A bit too big do you think?